Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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