this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
