Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
