we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize