So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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