in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
