If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
