I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
