I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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