EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
