Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
