I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
