i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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