Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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