That reminds me...we need to get swords
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
