I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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