Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
