My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
