A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
