Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
