"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This house was built for laser tag.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
