I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
