I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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