So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
