guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
