Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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