I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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