Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
