9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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