He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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