everyone is single if you try hard enough
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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