oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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