im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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