So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
