Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
