Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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