Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
