i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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