we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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