Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
