woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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