took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
