so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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