your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i permit you to call me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
