I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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