I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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