I faked an abortion last night.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
