God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
