I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
