Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This baby is an asshole
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
