it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this beer tastes like vomit already
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
