woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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