i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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