AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
