I cockslap morals
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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