I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
