It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
