why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
