Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
