Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
