Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
