Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
