She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
