Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
