I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
