I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
