Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
